This past week was a nightmare of school work. Though it wasn't technically finals week, all but one of my professors decided to make it finals week. So. I had 4 papers and 4 finals in 4 days. All in French of course. And anyone who has to tried to write a paper in a foreign language will know that a 4 page French paper takes about as long as an 8-10 page paper in English. So essentially I put off all my work until this past week, spent the whole semester NOT working because in the French university system, there's really only one grade a semester and it's the final. SO I didn't have to do anything all year for anything but grammar and phonetics, and then all the sudden I had to hyperspazztically get everything done in 4 days. Needless to say, from Sunday until Thursday, I got a total of 9 and 1/2 hours of sleep, with one night being an all-nighter. I wouldn't have had to do that IF my grammar teacher hadn't decided that we really needed to make up a missed grammar class and therefore we needed to have a 4 hour grammar class on Tuesday from 4:15 to 8:15 and then a 4 hour grammar final on Wednesday at the same time. That really took a chunk out of my work time. So everyday I spent the evening writing the paper due the next day and then I spent any other free time studying for the next final. By Thursday night I was downright exhausted and delirious, having just pulled an all-nighter the night before, and I had to take 2 finals. The staying up all night actually wasn't too bad. Jade and I stayed up till 5:20 am together writing our paper on the computer, realizing we had no way to print it out, and then having to handwrite it, and then woke up at 6:55 am to go to a final. Really, really a great day. While it did feel nice to work, I realized how HORRIBLE my french level really is. All in all, my french improvement might be a lot greater than I think it is, but to me it seems like I haven't really improved all that much at all. Which is depressing but oh well. You only get out of it what you put in it, and I probably didn't put enough into it. I can however basically read books in French now, which I guess is something.
So I leave next week...Here I mean. I keep forgetting that I am not going home because everyone else is so I keep thinking I am just going too. But I am leaving here and having to move out of this apartment and leave the friends that I have made, so basically it feels about the same. Now it feels like I am leaving home. I am leaving my bags with a friend here, but she is leaving on Tuesday so I have to pack up by then and just live out of a backpack until then basically. So my room is going to be empty more or less for the last week of my stay, which is just going to be really really depressing. Renee, Jesse, Jade, and I all sat around on Thursday drinking wine and talking about the semester and all that and it's just going to be so sad to leave them. We formed our little group and now it's breaking up to go back to PA where we won't exactly fit in anymore because we've changed but State College will forever be basically the same. Strangers in our own world really. I found this quote that I quite like from this great movie called l'Auberge Espagnol:
"When you first arrive in a new city, nothing makes sense. Everythings unknown, virgin... After you've lived here, walked these streets, you'll know them inside out. You'll know these people. Once you've lived here, crossed this street 10, 20, 1000 times... it'll belong to you because you've lived there. That was about to happen to me, but I didn't know it yet."
I like it. The thing is...none of us are going to be able to explain the experience to anyone because no one can understand. They weren't here, they don't know Montpellier or the people. They don't know what we've gone through. Other people have gone through similar experiences, but they were still different. I wouldn't really know how to describe this semester to anyone that wasn't here. I don't know. I'm starting to get more and more bummed out everyday realizing that I'll never be back here again like this. Everything that has become day-to-day routine now seems depressing because I realize it's going to end soon. It's getting difficult to imagine saying goodbye. When I got here all I wanted to do was go home, and now all I want to do is stay.
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I know what you mean. Although, I definitely don't know what it has been like to be you these past few months, but no one really knows what it was like to be me in England. And I did put my ALL into that program. When you come home, people around you will not have changed. The town will not have changed. Everything will be the same. And it is depressing. And that's why I told you, even though funds will be lacking, you most likely will want a lil trip when you get home. Simply because it's just depressing to be home again. Although, the entire time your over their you are counting down the days to go home. At the end, it's the last thing you want really.
So I do get it. Although...again our experiences were very different. But when you are traveling around, you will be very distracted. So look forward to that. That's awesome.
I love you dear. And I really can't wait to see you again!
Carpe Diem!
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